How to Handle the 4 Types of Clients Who Make You Want to Explode
If you think you’re the only one who makes sense in this market, this guide will show you how the ‘idiots’ around you think – and how to profit from each of them.
Have you ever looked at a client and thought: “How can someone so clueless manage to breathe and buy inflatables at the same time?”
Relax. You’re not alone.
Thomas Erikson, in his book “Surrounded by Idiots”, divides the world into 4 personality colours (Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue).
Applying this to the inflatable manufacturing market, we’ll teach you:
- How to sell to each type (even the most annoying client).
- How to avoid losing your mind when someone asks for a biodegradable PVC inflatable unicorn for £50.
1. THE RED CLIENT (THE BOSS WHO NEVER HIRED YOU)
Profile:
- Demands everything yesterday.
- Talks about profit like it’s a religion.
- Loves phrases like “This is basic!” and “Why isn’t this done yet?”.
How to Sell to Them:
✔ Be direct: “Your competitor already has this model. Do you want to fall behind?”
✔ Focus on results: “This design boosts sales by 30% – I’ve got the data.”
✔ Warning: If you waffle, they’ll buy from your competitor before you finish your sentence.
Phrase That Works:
“This will make you more money with fewer headaches. Yes or no?”
2. THE YELLOW CLIENT (THE ONE WHO CHANGES THEIR MIND EVERY 5 MINUTES)
Profile:
- Comes up with 100 crazy ideas a minute.
- Wants a glow-in-the-dark, fire-breathing dragon inflatable.
- Forgets what they ordered and complains later.
How to Sell to Them:
✔ Sell the dream: “Imagine the Instagram photos with this product!”
✔ Let them talk (a lot): The more excited they get, the more they spend.
✔ Warning: If you don’t put “non-refundable” in the contract, they’ll return it.
Phrase That Works:
“Everyone will ask you where you bought this. It’ll be exclusive!”
3. THE GREEN CLIENT (THE ONE WHO ASKS 500 TIMES IF THE PVC IS “ETHICAL”)
Profile:
- Cares more about eco-friendliness than price.
- Asks for sustainability certificates that don’t even exist.
- Is afraid to make decisions.
How to Sell to Them:
✔ Talk safety: “This material is non-toxic and durable (meaning less waste).”
✔ Be patient: They’ll take 3 months to place an order.
✔ Warning: If you lie, they’ll find out and post about it on Trustpilot.
Phrase That Works:
“Your concern for the planet is inspiring. This product reflects your values.”
4. THE BLUE CLIENT (THE ENGINEER WHO WANTS A TECHNICAL REPORT BEFORE BUYING A BALLOON)
Profile:
- Requests TECHNICAL SPECS for a children’s bouncy castle.
- Demands stress tests before closing the deal.
- Sends emails with 20 questions about vinyl thickness.
How to Sell to Them:
✔ Data is their love language: “Here’s the certificate for 200kg/m² load capacity.”
✔ Be precise: Miss a comma in the quote? They’ll cancel.
✔ Warning: If you promise something you can’t deliver, they’ll sue.
Phrase That Works:
“Attached are the technical reports and competitor comparisons. Shall I explain the graph on page 7?”
BETWEEN THE LINES (OR: “YOU’RE ALSO AN IDIOT TO SOMEONE”)
In the end, everyone is an “idiot” to someone else.
The difference between going bankrupt and making a profit lies in understanding the other person’s language – and speaking it.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER! This article is a humorous satire and should not be taken as a real guide. The tactics described are exaggerated for comedic effect and entertainment purposes. In real life, we recommend competing ethically, creatively, and within the law. Or not? 😉
Inflated Greetings!
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