“Sun Tzu said: ‘Be as swift as the wind, as relentless as fire.’ In other words: stomp on your competitors before they do the same to you.”
You think manufacturing inflatables is just about stitching plastic and filling it with air? Wrong. It’s war. And in this war, only the most ruthless survive. If you still have scruples, go back to your craft shop. Here, we teach you how to annihilate the competition and reign supreme.”
1. “Attack Where They Are Weak”
Direct Sabotage Tactics:
✔ Buy fake 1-star reviews for competitors – a fake profile and 5 minutes on Google are all you need.
✔ Report their ads for ‘rights violations’ – even without proof, Facebook’s algorithm will pause their ad.
✔ Poach their key employees with outrageous salaries – then fire them after 3 months, once the competitor is in disarray.
Killer Phrase:
“Honest competition is for losers.”
2. “Spread Chaos and Profit in the Middle”
Market Panic Strategy:
🔥 Start false rumours of raw material shortages – then buy up everything and resell at a markup.
🔥 Fund ‘protests’ against non-eco-friendly inflatables – and be the only one who ‘mysteriously’ has a green certification.
🔥 Leak fake recall data about competitors – even if it never happened.
Evil Tip:
“The more fear in the market, the more money in your pocket.”
3. “The Right Price Is the One That Sinks the Others”
Price War, Blood in Your Eyes:
💸 Sell BELOW cost for 6 months – until the competitor goes bust. Then triple your prices.
💸 Offer ’24x instalment plans’ – with interest so high the customer pays for 3 inflatables at the price of 1.
💸 If anyone complains, blame the ‘economy’ – and raise prices even more.
Ruthless Maxim:
“A fair price is what the sucker agrees to pay.”
4. “Infiltrate and Destroy from Within”
Modern Industrial Espionage:
🕵️ Send a ‘fake customer’ to request detailed quotes – steal their designs and launch first.
🕵️ Upload ‘leaked’ videos of their inflatables bursting – even if you’re the one who punctured them.
🕵️ Pay one of their employees to ‘mess up’ a big order – then swoop in as the saviour.
Treacherous Whisper:
“If you don’t have a spy in the competition, you’re the target.”
5. “The Final Blow: Form a Cartel”
The Inflatable Oligopoly:
🤝 Fix prices with 3 other ‘rival’ manufacturers – carve up the market and ‘kill off’ the small players.
🤝 Create a fake ‘quality association’ – where only you and your allies are ‘certified’.
🤝 If someone blows the whistle, destroy the evidence and sue for defamation.
Final Truth:
“Rules are made for those who don’t know how to bend them.”re effective than a static photo.
Between the Lines (Or Final Warning):
“If you’ve followed this guide so far, congratulations: you’re now a predator. But remember – tomorrow, someone even more ruthless could emerge. Grit your teeth, sharpen your claws, and keep attacking. Because in this war, there’s only room for one winner.”
“[DOWNLOAD THE BLACK MANUAL] and receive tactics too illegal even for this article.”
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER! This article is a humorous satire and should not be taken as a real guide. The tactics described are exaggerated for comedic effect and entertainment purposes. In real life, we recommend competing ethically, creatively, and within the law. Or not? 😉
Inflated Greetings!
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